I feel crude, dumb, not so bright, not so pure, not so refined in an embryonic spiritual manifestation. Like an idea unfulfilled, as it should be, for an animal incomplete in its becoming.
I also see something in being open to the reality of ‘not yet able‘ to express that which is envisioned. The reality of becoming before being there.
How do I hold myself in regard if I look into the mirror of actuality? A time for the ego to stand up and withdraw in the vision of who I am vs what I seek to become.
The Yin and Yang, unable to escape from the bond of the dream within the nature of its animal self. This is humility all over again.
I have to remember, too, that the reality is to hold both at once. Let’s call it spiritual schizophrenia.
It can be difficult to balance meaning between games. Who is the player when there is no game?
One of the happenings is when the other, blind in awareness and believing, receives the reflection from the other and feels judgment.
It can’t be helped. It is what happens when illusions dissolve. Should one proceed anyway? Disregard the response and hold on to the essence, knowing it creates judgment from others?
It’s easy to reject and slip away, but it leaves the mark of separation in both. It is a serious choice to travel in isolation with oneself. It is a path set by its integrity.
Separation is real, but is inclusivity required? Should I stay behind when the other is out of reach? Doesn’t the game ask the others to join, or to choose sides? Is it the intent of the competition to defeat the other team and all its members?
I believe it to be essential to my integrity to practice and employ the skill of insight and truth. Both in and out of the game of collective life and in the duality of the two beings that exist in one’s self.
I am both. We are both. Do not confuse the two. Do not take offense when the ball is pitched.
“Play Ball!”
Woomp. “Strike One!”