I feel like the end is near, as if I’m rattling in my cage. I see myself as an antiquated machine, a creaky, old, haunted house—the grunting gets deeper. This is a summary of my present self and my relationship with humankind.
“So you want me to give up on my personal illusions and trade them for yours?”
I don’t think I want to do that. I find it argumentative, judgmental, and disturbing. I feel like I have to resist and push back on the notion of justifying and defending myself.
You may know more about some things than I do, but you don’t everything that I know. There is much more to life than we know all together.
Aren’t you violating my inner person and its privacy?
I would invite you to share my inner life, but I have reluctance because of a reaction to your suggesting I change what is personal to me. It feels like I’m being violated. I want you to go away if you can’t show, or pretend to show, respect for my inner self.
I will not give up my self esteem.
When I am with you it feels like you are violating my sense of self worth. I wonder if you know that is what I feel, or if you intend to evoke this and are well aware of it.
I wonder if that is something you know you do intentionally but don’t care, or if you are just self righteous.
How is it that you consider yourself to have the authority and knowledge of my soul when you don’t consider, or respect, the spiritual content of me, others or yourself?
Do you even know you are a violator of another’s essential ego?
Of course I can’t let you do this with me because it would be a violation of my own integrity and being. It is against all the rules of justice—meaning of and spiritual respect for another’s integrity of soul. It is a primal offense to any conscious, self respecting individual. It goes against all the laws of integrity in rational interaction. It is disrespectful of another’s individuality.
I suggest you learn how to question the issue, its uncertainty and innocence, without castigating the person’s integrity.
There is something within you that is vengeful, blaming others for some kind of psychological bruise or pain you suffer inside. You are living as the victim of your own soul violation. You are holding something against others that disappointed you in a false expectation of acknowledgment, and you have yet to release from your ego.
This is a psychic place of humility of the most difficult kind for an ego that is yet unable to let go of feeling itself to be important—entitled in the gift of living. You must realize your are but one molecule in an interconnected assembly of uncountable zillions of others.
You can’t blame me, or others, or life itself. This is the meaning of the Zen Zero—let self importance go and live out of your own integrity of purpose—being aware of the limitations of your state of being in the continuous evolution of consciousness. This is the functional meaning of humility.
Let go of your feelings.
Judgement is a swamp.
You can’t teach a cat to bark, nor a dog to meow.