I’m feeling the depths of the tax trauma. I’m thinking about the many who are helpless and buried in circumstances where they feel they have no control, no way out, without the support of another.
It’s a feeling of being overwhelmed and observing the need to quiet ones emotions when dealing with what is felt, and the willful tolerance one must harness in order to manage it.
I had my annual experience filing taxes recently. It wasn’t going well. Luckily I am blessed to have a daughter—an intelligent, patient, and tolerant person—to give of herself on my behalf. Thank you Kim! She struggled through the process of filling out the daunting requirements of the form. The only words that come to mind are . . . she gave me practical loving care! (it took her 7 hours to complete)
I’m caught up in an experience of soul anxiety—a mood where my awareness of dysfunction and helplessness comes to surface. I feel hopeless dealing with certain areas in my life—without means, lost in one’s soul limitations, what is there to do except yield and accept whatever it brings to the table of doing.
This psychic shadow is founded in deep fear of uncertainty and helplessness.
I am aware, at this stage of my life (I turned 90 this year), of the decline of practical skills. Time has stripped much from me, regarding energy and confidence in what is demanded of me to meet the day. I see this as a given as I have travelled through the many stages of aging and consciousness development.
It occurs to me that this might be similar to what a woman, upon discovering she is pregnant and unable to access the means to have an abortion, might feel. I imagine a fictional 30 year old divorced mother with two children and no job to provide for life’s demands. A flood of tears smothers any hope of meaning.
When I look at what I’ve had to manage psychically for the past two months in tax-stress-anxiety, it seems to me to be almost silly if it weren’t for the fact that it intrudes and affects one’s emotional atmosphere. Neglecting the needs of others is soul poison.
Realizing this, I understand and appreciate the character of those like my daughter Kim. It’s the very essence of goodwill, in practical giving of one’s self for the benefit of another. It is love in action that heals and soothes.
And yet, this is elemental in the nature of life, the degree, within ourselves, in which we manage these smothering life experiences.
This we must all experience on occasion, and manage in ourselves, even if we are unaware of it.
Giving support when others need it seems to be a tool of psychic health. What a blessing in pain’s awakening of awareness.